So it's with a full heart that I regret to inform you that my pug-dog Kayla of over 15 and a half years, died this Monday.
.. and for those who know me well, I loved that dog.
She was in steady "old-lady" decline for a couple of years, walking slower and slower because of an arthritic back and hips, and eyes getting progressively worse; but all in all she was a happy, healthy dog up until last Wednesday when things took a turn for the worst.
Things quickly declined, and we had a heart to heart, talking with one another throughout the weekend ..
.. and then on Monday, October 12th we said our goodbyes, as she died naturally at home with my hand on her belly trying to ease her path.
It's been painful for sure, especially thinking of all the moments and antics we've been through together, and how there will be no more.
.. but as I write, I guess I also realize I hurt because of the amount of love and care I had for her - and I'm not even quite sure what that exactly means in this moment.
Along with the pain from her death, there also comes some relief as well; it feels like a chapter is turning in my life.
I was given her as a gift at a time in my life when I was going through extremely tough times, where I was sorting out a lot of things.
.. for instance, I was just beginning to see my mentors for my own healing (emotionally that is), as well as beginning to integrate that work with myself into creating the work I do with people today.
Her death has been causing me to reflect on the long journey of my evolution, (both personally and professionally) these past 15 years, and all that it took for me to get to this good place in my life that I'm in today.
And so, somehow in grieving her loss and having it remind me of a lot of my past, it seems to be closing the chapter in some way; sort of like leaving the past more in the past and not having it as close to me in the present.
.. so while there is pain, there is also a relieving feeling as well; some new possibility and open-space that I can feel opening up within me.
This was no ordinary dog as you can tell. She was a member of my family, and she will always be thought of and spoke about that way.
Thank you to those who loved her and took such great care of her, I love you for that - and she loved you too!<br /><br />H~