This culture has been guilty of avoiding feelings of sadness, grief & heartbreak ... I don’t feel people find much value in them & they’re terrified to find out.

These feelings have fallen down the list past the more popular ones of ambition, motivation, hard work & ... “out working everybody”; and I don’t think we’re better off for it - I actually think we might even be worse off, especially emotionally.

Having a relationship with uncertainty & not knowing is vital for personal growth & development. For me, it was a valuable lesson to learn to be able to say that I didn’t know the answer to something; it just didn’t dawn on me that I could say I didn’t know. It was clear that I had shame about it & felt the need to have an answer.

During these times of Corona, it’s brought up a lot of feelings of uncertainty with a lot of people & that’s totally understandable & healthy…

Don't be kind to people who are being a dick to you, be cordial - big difference.

Always be appropriate to the specific situation.

No thing, including kindness or loyalty, is always good or bad - always be appropriate to whatever the situation calls for.

One way that I’m personally surrendering, is with being more public, especially when it comes to doing things on camera & with video like the kind you see above.

One reason why I’ve been hesitant is that it doesn’t represent the “magic” that my clients & I experience when we’re together in session; I’m a harsh critic, that if it doesn’t have that same feeling, it ain’t worth putting out to have “the public” see & I’ll lose “credibility”.

Without going into details about the Corona virus & how I feel this thing has been mishandled, I’ll cut straight to the anger it brought up in me & how in order to rise above the bullshit that goes on in life, you can’t bypass the anger, you must go through it.

For some people, like myself, we are intimately connected to anger & our susceptibility to having a temper, so not allowing our anger to take over & rising above the bullshit is our challenge.

It was my 48th birthday yesterday & I feel fantastic.

Soapbox: I fought like hell to feel this way & I always will. You’re not entitled to feel “good”; you have to earn it daily. It’s a mentality more than it is anything else. I believe people have to be taught how to feel good & to learn how to live a good life; that’s certainly been true for me. There’s skills to learn & develop in order to navigate life gracefully.

Get ready for the integration period, they tend to be bumpy rides.

When your awareness is raised about something, it makes it easier to spot & navigate ... & this process navigating back to our regularly scheduled programming life is no different.

By now, everyone is emotionally soaked in something that has them sensitive for one reason or another…

An aspect I’m appreciating tracking during this quarantine time are some of our cultural issues that are surfacing. I’m not going to go into the specifics about the media, the government or the medical profession, but none of these facets of life I just mentioned, always, purely have our best interests at heart.

Shouldering the burden of responsibility for our own health & wellbeing, including that of our family is no easy task.

I’m turning 48 this Wednesday, May 13th & I am thinking deeply about the kind of guy that I am & the man I’m working on becoming.

For those who know me well, these times of contemplation are nothing new, however every once in awhile, it’s next level & this is one of those times.

For many years, probably when I was about 29 or 30 & having just started on this path of healing with my old teacher, I always thought to myself that this work was about returning to a sense innocence & purity.

I envisioned this healing was about removing all the layering, insulation & body armoring, created by all sorts of events, conditioning & trauma from our past…

But first it will piss you off - I think it’s Gloria Steinem who first said that.

It becoming more & more clear to me that this Corona virus is not what “they” said it is. Sure it’s something, but it’s nowhere near the hype & fear of what’s been marketed. For some like myself, I’ve had a keen eye on this from the beginning, watching & listening to all sides, all the while keeping a pulse on it.

For me, healing is a creative & sometimes abstract subject that somehow makes sense to me, even though it’s not a linear subject; meaning, health is not necessarily measured by just what we see or how we feel - It takes many factors into account. I probably look at it similarly to how an abstract artist see’s the canvas.

For me, everything comes down to healing. There’s no conversation, interaction, situation or seemingly ridiculous moment of my life where I’m not creatively connecting whatever’s going on with healing.

We’ve heard the terminology used so many times that it seems cliche; it might be, but that doesn’t make it any less true. I’m definitely someone who’s on a healers journey - I can’t stop searching or being a seeker to healing aspects about myself that could improve the quality of my health & life.

The irony might be & it could be said that the constant seeking & search might come from some kind of lack or never feeling like I’m good enough or done enough.

When the pandemic first began, I started writing & sharing how it poked at some old trauma, pain & fear about my past. Then it morphed into sharing about all kinds of subjects that included utilizing this sacred time to dig deep & do some serious introspection about my life, who I am being & the things I want to create; including relationship & family.

With all that intention, these past couple of days, I’ve noticed some kind of shift…

Regardless of whether you’re on some kind of “healing journey” like I’ve always considered myself to be on, you literally have to take breaks & get away from your routine, your environment, your space, your work & sometimes you even have to get away from the people you love in order to restore a healthy perspective towards everything.

These past two days I did a couple of hikes up a trail that I haven’t been up in awhile & it felt good.

Regardless of whether or not you’re connected to the feeling of what it’s like to hold back your feelings, the fact is, it’s an exhausting pursuit & it’s literally killing you; most people only realize it when they’ve burst into tears at some point, thrusting them into the realization of how much they’ve been holding onto.

As we take part in all kinds of healing & therapeutic practices, we tend to grow in our awareness & physical connection with our feelings.

I came across this line that sort of crept into my mind & ever since then, it’s stuck with me - “let your fears make you fierce”. For about a month I’ve had that line on repeat over & over again, all the way up until the other morning. Then it got more clear & I thought that I want to have my fears, but I don’t want to allow my fears to have me.

With the quarantine associated with the Corona virus in full swing, it seems as though there might be some good to come out of it after all. Before I go any further, let me say now that I am extremely hesitant to use these words because of the people & families negatively being effected by it all in one way or another. While on that note, let me say that my heart goes out to all those effected, especially those who have become ill & lost loved ones.