Generosity

I’ve been thinking a lot about generosity these past several months, noticing it in others and in myself.

I like being generous: giving, helping, supporting, and providing for others. What I don’t like is how I feel when I’m with people or in situations where my generosity no longer feels appropriate.

I’ve realized I’m not interested in close relationships with people who aren’t generous in return. This doesn’t mean I keep score; it means I’m paying closer attention to the flow of giving and receiving, and to whether generosity is part of the relationship.

Generosity isn’t about money. It’s giving from whatever we have in abundance: time, energy, love, kindness, support, attention, listening, and resources. To me, it’s a spirit we inhabit — a willingness to give from the heart. Without that spirit, we may still be giving, but we may not be generous.

I’m also realizing that generosity without discernment can become self-abandonment. There’s nothing noble about continuing to pour into relationships where generosity moves in only one direction.

Healthy relationships have a natural rhythm of giving and receiving — not always equally or at the same time, but with movement in both directions and a shared spirit of generosity.

I’m no longer interested in relationships where that spirit isn’t mutual. That doesn’t make me less generous; it means I’m becoming more discerning about where my generosity belongs.

Sometimes the most generous thing we can do for ourselves, and perhaps even for others, is to stop giving where our giving is no longer healthy.

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